


It's Hard To Believe That I Couldn't See, You Were Always There Beside Me

by xLoveMx



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Some pining, Underage Drinking, and also humor because chaos will ensue, caswen, they are both idiots what else is new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:22:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22403341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: “I can’t believe this has to be said, but: 'Hey Ricky, by the way, you don’t mind pretending to be my boyfriend for tonight, right?' Is not asking nicely.”
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell
Comments: 86
Kudos: 370





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because every ship needs this trope. And it's one of my favorites, so. :P

He should have known something was off the moment EJ had texted him.

_Wanna come to New York? :)_

Sure, they had become friends after the Nini disaster, as EJ liked to call it, pretty good friends actually, but usually EJ came home for weekends or holiday breaks, and then they hung out.

During the entire 6 months he had been away at college, EJ hadn’t asked Ricky to come and hang out with him in New York, and he hadn’t offered to pay for Ricky’s flight either.

Until two weeks ago.

Ricky should have asked what he was up to, but instead had only thought that it would be fun to check out New York. He’d visited his Mom in Chicago before, but New York was new territory. Besides: Maybe he could go and see a show, maybe get some merch for Nini, she’d love to get a Hamilton t shirt, he was sure of that.

Bringing Nini a present was the least of Ricky’s concerns right about now though.

“I’m sorry. Say that again?”

EJ rolled his eyes, waving a hand at the other man. “It’s no big deal. I just need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for a night.”  
At first Ricky had thought he might have misheard, because EJ couldn’t have possibly said those words out loud and actually meant them, but now that he had repeated them, his own mistake became clearly visible to him.

Of course EJ wasn’t just going to invite him to New York, and of course he wasn’t just going to pay for the flight, without actually wanting to get something out of it in return.

“And why would I do that?”

He might have improved his acting skills over the last couple of months, but he still had a hard time saying _I love you_ for real, how was he supposed to pretend to be in love with someone?

“Because I asked nicely?” EJ quipped back as he closed the last button on his shirt, looking up at Ricky.

“I can’t believe this has to be said, but: _Hey Ricky, by the way, you don’t mind pretending to be my boyfriend for tonight, right?_ Is not asking nicely.”

EJ was rolling his eyes again and really, that wasn’t improving his chances.

“Why would I even have to pretend to be your boyfriend? You can literally have any woman in this city, and…” He paused for a moment, furrowing his brows slightly. “Probably almost every man, too.”

Ricky had never really questioned EJ’s sexuality. He was the epitome of a straight boy with his perfect hair, his stupidly gorgeous smile and a trail of girls following wherever he went. Sure, he hadn’t really dated anyone for his remaining senior year, but that hadn’t made Ricky think he could possibly be into boys.

_Maybe New York makes you gay?_ He briefly thought, and it sounded dumb, even in his head. New York seemed more open minded than their small town, sure, but he assumed EJ would have at least mentioned being into boys, especially if he was going to ask Ricky to pretend to be his boyfriend.

Then again, this was EJ, so who knew?

“I know I could,” EJ shrugged his shoulders and alright, college had done nothing to diminish his giant ego. “But…there was a bunch of girls who sort of…wanted to get it on with me, and they wouldn’t let it go. It was too much, you know? I wanted to focus on classes, and I knew if I told them I had a girlfriend they’d still try and flirt with me. So, I told them I had a boyfriend.”

“And?” It sounded like a dumb idea, really. Surely, EJ probably wasn’t the first person in history to make up a boy- or girlfriend, but usually those stayed made up, and didn’t just magically appeared after being lured to New York under false pretenses.

“And what?” EJ shot back, seemingly resisting the urge to run a hand through his perfectly styled hair.

“Why on earth would you think about me, when telling them you have a boyfriend? Couldn’t you have just made up someone like people usually do?”

Ricky knew that Nini had definitely made up boyfriends before, just so she wouldn’t get hit on in bars, and most of the time it had been enough to let the guys know she had a boyfriend, she didn’t even have to come up with a name.

“I don’t know man, they kept asking about my boyfriend, so I had to tell them something.”

Ricky let out a slightly frustrated sigh. “Again: How does that have anything to do with me?”

“I said I don´t know, okay? It just came to me. Now are you going to do this for me?” EJ seemed almost desperate, and it made Ricky stop in his tracks.

“You could have at least said please.” He then huffed, because honestly: This seemed like a really bad idea. Like, the worst of bad ideas they´ve ever had between the two of them.

“Please?” EJ had never been one to play nice, and Ricky had never actually heard him say please before, not to him at least. So, maybe that was the reason his initial resistance crumbled like a sheet of paper there and then. Besides: if he said no, then rest of his stay in New York, more specifically EJ’s apartment, would probably be rather unpleasant.

“Fine. But only for tonight, and I need you to tell me what you told them.” Because honestly, he wasn’t exactly the best actor, or liar for that matter, so if all he had to go off was some wishy-washy story, then they were both doomed.

“Sure. Now, did you bring a nice shirt to put on?” EJ asked, and Ricky picked up the nearest pillow to throw at him.

-

The girls from EJ’s class seemed nice. As nice as Ricky could think of them, while he was busy trying to not let anything slip that he wasn’t supposed to. They had all hugged him and sat him in between them at the play they were seeing. It was an Off-Broadway play by Tennessee Williams, a name that was vaguely familiar to Ricky, though he had to admit that it wasn’t the only play he knew by that guy.

Something about glass, maybe?

It wasn’t actually that bad, but Ricky couldn’t pay as much attention to it as he would have liked, because EJ hadn’t actually told him a whole lot about what he had told the girls. So Ricky spent most of the play trying to figure out what he was supposed to say if they asked any questions.

He was fine until dinner after the play, when Sarah was smiling at him over the table. “You know, you really are as cute as EJ described you,” She chuckled, and Ricky almost choked on his water.

_You told them I was cute?_ His eyes found EJ’s over the table, but the other boy didn’t bat an eyelash.

_What was I supposed to do? Say my boyfriend’s not cute?_ His eyes seemed to convey, as he took a sip of his own drink.

“Uh, thanks.” Ricky eventually managed, once he was sure that he was able to breathe properly again. “He doesn’t say it to my face all that often, so it’s nice to hear it.” Right, if EJ wanted to play this game, then so would Ricky.

“EJ!” Ciara, the second girl in their group, slapped his arm. “You can’t not tell your boyfriend that he’s cute. This city is full of guys who’d happily take him off you and tell him he’s the cutest boy they’ve ever seen.”

Ricky wasn’t even sure why he was blushing at that, but luckily the lighting in this place wasn’t too great, so nobody seemed to notice.

“He knows he’s cute,” EJ shrugged, and Sarah rolled her eyes at him.

“Men,” She then commented, and reminded Ricky a little of Gina right there and then. Gina who had told him to be careful when he had set off for New York, and now Ricky knew why. Surely, she couldn’t possibly have known about EJ asking him to pretend to be his boyfriend, but Gina and EJ often thought alike, so maybe she had known something was up.

“Anyway, how did you two meet?” Ciara interjected, and Sarah nodded, taking a sip of her drink. “And how did you know you were in love with him? I’m a sucker for a sappy story,” She was grinning again at this point, and EJ was hiding his own grin behind his glass at the slightly panicked expression, that had found its way onto Ricky’s face.

Ricky kicked him under the table for it, before willing himself to calm down. He’d played the lead in musicals before, and with how well he knew Nini and Gina, they’d make him sign up for the spring musical again this year.

“Well, we went to the same High School. But we didn’t really take notice of each other until the summer of my junior year, when he started dating my ex-girlfriend.” Ricky attempted to stay close to the truth, because he knew that otherwise he’d get tangled up in the story and make a mistake down the line.   
“You did?” Ciara asked, her lips curved into another grin, as she bumped her shoulder against EJ’s. “And then you realized you liked him?”

The attention seemed to have shifted to the older man, and Ricky couldn’t say he was complaining.

“No. I hated his guts.” EJ shrugged, swirling the straw around in his drink. “I thought it was because Nini still cared about him, that’s our ex,” His eyes met with Ricky for a moment, and somehow Ricky could feel a tug on his stomach. “But that wasn’t it. He was…different. He’d never been in musical before, we all auditioned for it, and he got the lead almost effortlessly, even with no experience. His voice was great, though. Still is, I mean. At some point hating him really just got harder and harder, and instead of wanting to throw a ball at him, I realized I wanted to kiss him.”

Ricky could feel his heart missing a beat in his chest and alright, EJ was a great actor. That’s all this was, really. It was all it _could_ be.

“That’s oddly romantic,” Sarah laughed as she finished her drink. “Do you want to go to college in New York too, Ricky? ‘Cause if I was EJ, I’d be advocating for my boyfriend to be in the same city as me,”

Ricky was glad about the change of subject, and even though he wasn’t entirely sure where he was going to go to college yet, it was easier to talk about something that was actually going to happen in the future, compared to a fake relationship.

They stayed for another hour or so, and Ricky’s head was spinning from all the new information he had gathered, information he knew he technically didn’t have to remember, at least not once they were out of here and could drop the act.

EJ, however, didn’t seem to be keen on dropping it just yet, his arm coming to wrap around Ricky’s waist as they walked out of the restaurant. Ricky almost startled, feeling himself blush again for some unknown reason.

_No big deal,_ He tried to tell himself, He had agreed to this after all, and it wasn’t like they had never actually hugged or touched each other. Still, there was something about the way EJ smiled, and how his hand was just resting on Ricky’s waist like he had done it a million times, that made the other man’s heart miss another beat.

“Alright, I know you guys probably want to do some couple stuff this week, which is fine. More than fine actually,” Ciara wriggled her eyebrows at them, “But how about we do something fun? Oh, we could go for karaoke this Friday! We can bring Jake and Thomas. I’m sure they’d love to meet Ricky!”

“Uh, yeah sure. I’m gonna have to check if we have something planned though,”

“What are you going to do? Take me on a horse carriage ride around Central Park?” Ricky couldn’t help but reply, because it was about the furthest thing from his mind he could think about.

“I don’t know, I might?” EJ raised an eyebrow at him, and Ricky tried to push that idea far into the back of his mind again.

_Nope. All good._ He wasn’t thinking about romantic carriage rides with EJ. Why the hell would he?

“You two are adorable,” Sarah laughed, as she hugged them both and then proceeded to walk off down towards the subway station along with Ciara.

“I’m guessing this isn’t over?” Ricky eventually spoke, immediately noticing the loss of warmth and contact as EJ pulled away, burying his hands deep in his pockets.

And really, Ricky should have just gone fishing with his Dad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EJ’s face lit up and he nodded, typing into his phone again and yeah, this was fine. This was what friends did, especially friends who pretended to be boyfriends. And friends who had absolutely no feelings for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yeah, Beetlejuice didn't close on Broadway in this universe. It'll run FOREVER:

Ricky didn’t sleep much that night.

He put it to all the new experiences and just being generally excited to be in a new place, because it absolutely wasn’t due to EJ had convincing him to pretend to be his boyfriend, and then wrapping his arm around Ricky’s waist like it had always belonged there.

EJ didn’t seem to have gotten much sleep either, because Ricky had heard him move around in the room next door, and for an apartment this expensive this place surely had some creaky floors.

Having taken about 15 minutes to figure out EJ’s super fancy coffee machine, Ricky eventually settled down at the kitchen table with a hot cup in his hands. Fortunately for himself, it was a little too hot to drink, so he had already put it down by the time EJ came walking out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

If Ricky had still been holding the cup, he might have dropped it and suffered some first degree burns right there and then. Of course, he had seen EJ without his shirt on before, but that had been years ago, and there was just something about it now that was… _different_.

“Morning,”

Quickly picking up his cup to hide his face behind it ( no, he wasn’t blushing, thank you very much ), Ricky mumbled a “Good Morning,” back.

They hadn’t really talked about anything last night, EJ had gone straight to his room and Ricky had tried not feeling weird about the whole thing, which he had failed at.

“So…” EJ was leaning against the counter and really how was this, in any capacity, fair? EJ seemed to always look great, whether he was playing a role under the bright lights, full make up and costume, or just coming out of the shower with his hair still damp. “About Friday…we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

And again, Ricky found this to be quite unfair, because it was hard enough saying no to EJ as it was, but when he was half naked, looking at him over the edge of his coffee mug like _that_?

“I mean…we’ve already started, so what’s one day more?” He eventually found himself shrugging, immediately knowing that he was probably going to regret this come Friday, or maybe even earlier.

“Really?” EJ seemed surprised, like he hadn’t actually expected Ricky to agree.

“Yeah, but only if you put some clothes on.” Ricky immediately regretted the words, but they were out now and he couldn’t take them back.

“Jealous?” EJ’s lips had curved into a grin, and Ricky rolled his eyes.

-

He was pretty sure they should have been talking about how this was all going to go down on Friday, and probably flesh out their actual fake getting together story a little more, but EJ had instead dragged him out for lunch. Not that Ricky was complaining about the food, but still.

“Seriously? You’re going to take a picture of me while I’m shoving fries into my mouth?” he then spoke, raising an eyebrow at the phone in EJ’s hand.

“Come on, I need to get some good pictures of you on my camera roll. No one’s going to believe you’re my boyfriend if I don’t have any pictures of you.”

Pulling a face at the other man, Ricky swallowed one more fry before replying. “I send you pictures all the time,”

EJ rolled his eyes, snapping another picture before he put the phone down. “You send me memes, Ricky. I don’t think that classifies as having pictures of your boyfriend.”

Picking up more fries, Ricky shrugged his shoulders. “What’s the point of having a boyfriend if he doesn’t send you memes?”

EJ went quiet for a moment, and Ricky almost wondered if he had said something wrong, when the other man reached out to snatch a fry from his plate.

“Alright, I’m not saying your memes are bad. I’m just saying I need more pictures of your face on my phone, okay?”

Now picking up the milkshake to hide his face behind, like he had done this morning with his coffee, Ricky could only nod.

-

EJ dragged him to Times Square after that, and for once Ricky wasn’t complaining. Not even when the other man told him to stand and look up at the billboards, so he could take a picture of him to put up on his Instagram.

There was nothing suspicious about that, right? Nini and the others surely followed EJ on his social media, but it wasn’t like a picture of Ricky there was going to let them know what they were up to.

“Come on back here,” EJ eventually called, and Ricky moved back in between the people that were crossing Times Square. Before he could say anything though, EJ had wrapped an arm around him once more, holding up the phone with his free hand. He was smiling into the camera as he spun them around so the whole of Times Square would be visible, “Look who’s here,” He then grinned, while Ricky was trying to remind himself how to breathe properly.

He attempted to smile into the camera then, giving a little wave, before EJ finished the story and posted it to his Instagram. That was still pretty normal, right? People did it all the time when they visited each other or spent time together. So there was nothing weird about it, except maybe the way Ricky’s heart missed a beat every time EJ touched him.

 _You need to relax,_ he told himself, pulling out his own phone to take a picture of the lights and billboards, and maybe of EJ too. If he was going to play pretend, then he needed some pictures of the other man on his phone, too.

They went to the Disney Store after that, because Nini and Gina would absolutely hate him for the rest of his life if he didn’t bring them something back. He also snapped a pretty adorable picture of EJ with some mouse ears and humored the other man by wielding a lightsaber around, almost hitting someone in the face.

“Pretty sure that could have gotten you banned from the store,” EJ chuckled as they stepped back out onto the street, and Ricky let out a laugh.

“Well, lucky for us I already had Nini and Gina’s gifts,” He then replied. He had already sent them pictures and Nini had replied with a bunch of heart eye emojis. Ricky was still thinking about getting her something Broadway related though, but he could worry about that later.

“Do you want to go see a show tonight?” EJ then added, glancing up from his phone. “There’s tons of free seats and they’re not even that expensive.”

“I have a feeling you and I have vastly different ideas of what expensive means,” Ricky quipped with another laugh.

“Oh, shut up. I’m the one who invited you, so I’m paying.”

Even if he had wanted to, Ricky couldn’t complain, because EJ just kept on talking. “Now what are you in the mood for? Something newer, like Hadestown or Dear Evan Hansen, or maybe some classics like Wicked or Phantom? I’d say Les Mis, but I’m honestly not a big fan. We can go if you want to, though.”

Ricky, who was still a little hung up on the fact that EJ was paying for them to see a show, almost stumbled over his words when the other man also let him choose which one, and wouldn’t even be complaining if they went to see one he didn’t like.

“Uh. How about _Beetlejuice_? I like the soundtrack and it sounds fun.”

EJ’s face lit up and he nodded, typing into his phone again and yeah, this was fine. This was what friends did, especially friends who pretended to be boyfriends. And friends who had absolutely no feelings for each other.

-

The show ended up being really cool, and Ricky hadn’t even protested when EJ had insisted on taking more pictures. He had discovered the soundtrack a few months ago, while trying to broaden his musical theatre horizon, and found out that not all musicals were as tragic as Phantom of the Opera. Nothing against Andrew Lloyd Webber, except for creating Cats, because what the hell was that?

They had gotten their playbills signed, and Ricky might have been a little giddy about it. Those were people who actually worked on Broadway, people who made money doing what they loved, and it was clearly visible while they were on stage.

He had often thought about what to do with his life, but the outcome had always been the same: He had absolutely no idea. There were a lot of things he enjoyed, and performing had become one of them, but he wasn’t sure if he was good enough to actually get the jobs he needed to make a living, and if it was something he wanted to spend the rest of his life doing.

Nini and Gina were set on going to NYU like EJ, much like Ashlyn, and he had a feeling even Big Red would find a way to be at the same college, even if his studies would differ from his friends’.

So maybe NYU wasn’t a bad choice, if all his friends were set on going there. It had a variety of degrees after all.

They eventually made it home, eating some cereal in the kitchen as a late-night snack, mainly because that was all EJ had at home. It seemed like the man mostly lived on take out, and Ricky made a mental note to teach him some basic recipes before he left.

“Thank you,” He eventually spoke, after they had eaten in silence for a little while. “For tonight. And inviting me here. You could have warned me about the whole boyfriend thing, though.”

EJ glanced up, their eyes meeting as he put the bowl down onto the counter. “Would you still have come, then?” He asked, and Ricky pondered on the answer for a moment.

 _Probably,_ a voice in the back of his mind answered, and it wasn’t something he was able to process right now.

-

When he eventually slid under the covers, he had a message from Gina, a missed called from his Mom and a text telling him to call her back when he was free, an Instagram mention from EJ and a couple of emails. He chose to focus on Instagram for now, scrolling through his feed for a moment, before opening the other man’s story.

As expected, there was the story of them on Times Square, with EJ smiling into the camera and talking about Ricky being there, but that wasn’t all. There were more pictures, Ricky noticed. The picture of him wielding the lightsaber at the Disney Store, a video of him buying cupcakes for the two of them, and some pictures of them in front of the theatre and with the cast.

A warm feeling spread from Ricky’s chest through his entire body, and for a moment he thought _to hell with it!_ before opening Snapchat and taking a picture of himself. He quickly added a _Miss You_ to it and then sent it to EJ.

The reply came promptly.

**To: Ricky, 11.29pm**

_You’re literally in the room next to me, :P_

**To: EJ, 11.30pm**

_YOU wanted boyfriend pictures for your camera roll. So stop complaining._

**To: Ricky, 11.31pm**

_Pretend I never said anything. ;)_

Ricky bit his lip, before quickly checking the message Gina had sent him.

**To: Ricky, 7.33pm**

_Everything alright with you two?_

Frowning slightly, he typed a response.

**To: Gina, 11.33pm**

_Sure, why wouldn’t it be?_

**To: Ricky, 11.40pm**

_Just checking. I saw EJ’s Instagram post._

Switching apps, Ricky checked the other mention, which wasn’t in EJ’s story, but an actual post he had made. It was the picture he had taken of Ricky in Times Square, looking up at the billboards.

The caption was a quote from a song, and it simply read _“Times Square can’t shine as bright as you.”_

_Oh._

And Ricky was definitely in trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky's head was spinning just a little, and he really wanted to say something else to make the other man laugh again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, another chapter. I'm glad you guys enjoy this story so much! There's a bit of underage drinking in this one, but they're both over 18 so. Just a warning in case you need it ;)

The picture had gone to almost a thousand likes the next morning, and Ricky was trying to figure out why. Surely, most of EJ’s pictures had about the same number of likes, but this wasn’t a picture of EJ looking at himself in the mirror, shirt lifted ever so slightly to reveal the toned muscles underneath.

Not that Ricky had spent a lot of time looking at those kind of pictures.

Tossing his phone back onto the bed, Ricky went to take a shower, that lasted a little longer than usual. Once he was done, he found EJ in the kitchen, cup of coffee in hand. He hadn’t showered yet, even though this place had two bathrooms. Instead he was wearing a grey shirt and some boxers, his hair still a little messed up from sleeping.

_Cute,_ A voice in the back of Ricky’s mind thought, and he immediately scolded himself for it. Damn, this whole pretending thing was taking its toll on him.

“Morning. Made you a coffee,” EJ smiled, nodding towards the table, and despite only having been here three days, this was beginning to feel like a routine. Just the two of them in the morning, one coming from the shower, the other making coffee, and both of them just enjoying the silence for a moment while they tried to fully wake themselves up.

“Thanks,” He nodded, settling down at the table with his coffee.

Ricky was debating on how to bring up the Instagram post for a while, when EJ eventually spoke up again. “Thomas texted. Karaoke is postponed to Saturday, since the place is holding some sort of private event. But they said they wanna take us to a bar tonight. If you’re up for it.”

Ricky had never really been the type to go to parties or bars, other than cast parties which were sort of mandatory, but then again there weren’t many bars you could go to as a High School student. He wasn’t sure how much time EJ spent in bars these days, but when their eyes met Ricky knew that he wanted to go. Whether it was because he was actually enjoying it, or because he wanted to keep up their charade, he couldn’t say.

“Yeah, sure. As long as we can get inside,” He shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Oh yeah, no trouble. Most bars here let people in as long as they’re eighteen. You get a stamp that says you’re not allowed to drink, but they don’t really check for it. Or if you want you can just get someone else to get a drink for you,”

Ricky wasn’t a big drinker, he’d been having a beer here and there with his Dad while they sat down to watch a game, and a few drinks at parties, because that’s what you did in High School, right? But he’d never really drank too much or forgotten what had happened when waking up the next morning.

“Gina texted me, you know?” Ricky eventually broke the silence again, and EJ looked up from his phone, where he had presumably texted one of the other men that they were coming along tonight.

“What did she say?” He then asked, putting the phone down, his eyes lingering on Ricky, who could suddenly feel his stomach twist ever so slightly.

“She…asked if we were alright.”

Raising an eyebrow, EJ shook his head. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

And really, he didn’t seem to be seeing anything wrong with this whole thing, which didn’t exactly make it easier for Ricky.  
“Well, because of your Instagram post?” He attempted, before sipping on his coffee. He clearly wasn’t awake enough for this conversation. Maybe he never would be.

“What’s with the post?”

“Well…I think she was taken aback by the caption?” Ricky then tried carefully, but EJ still didn’t seem to get it.

“What’s wrong with the caption?”

“It’s from a love song?” Ricky’s stomach twisted again, as he tried to ignore the way his heart missed a beat. Something was telling him that this was all going to end in a big disaster, and yet he had no idea how to get out of it, other than packing his things and hopping onto the next flight out of this town.

“Yeah, because I had to do something to get the people who are _supposed_ to believe I’m dating you to believe that’s actually what’s going on, the rest can just think I’m super proud of my talented friend. Nini texted me too, though.”

That made Ricky look up again, and he couldn’t quite hide the chuckle that was threatening to fall from his lips. “Do you think they talked about who would have to text who?” He then asked, and EJ mirrored the smile that had found its way onto Ricky’s face.

“Yeah, probably.”

-

They spent most of the day inside the apartment, with Ricky running to the grocery store down the street to buy some things to cook lunch with. He wasn’t sure if either of them was going to be drinking tonight, but he wasn’t going to go in without at least one full meal.

Again, this felt like something they had been doing for years, instead of days. Like this was how things were meant to be, which sounded stupid even in Ricky’s own head, but still, he couldn’t help but think about it as he finished the pasta sauce and set the table for their lunch.

The bar Thomas and Jake were taking them to ended up being in the East Village, and was called _Nowhere_ , which Ricky found slightly amusing.

_Where are you going tonight?_

_Nowhere._

He had opted for some dark pants and a dress shirt, similar to the one he had worn to _Beetlejuice_ last night. EJ was wearing much the same, the dark blue shirt perfectly showing off his muscles, with the top button undone to show just a little glimpse of his chest.

Ricky felt his mouth go a little dry, quickly diverting his attention away from his friend, and towards the two men who were approaching them.

They were a little bit older, definitely over the drinking age, and EJ had told him they were two years above him in college, and sometimes came into classes to help out with scenes or dance training.

They seemed nice and definitely not shy, quickly engulfing Ricky in a hug as soon as they had reached them. “EJ, really. How have you hidden this gem from us until now? Shame on you,” The guy, who introduced himself as Thomas, quipped as he pulled back, and EJ simply shrugged his shoulders.

“Don’t let him drag you, we know you’re not out to your parents, sweetie.” Jake replied with a smile, and Ricky couldn’t help but glance at EJ.

_Not out?_ He wanted to ask, but it would absolutely blow their cover, and EJ was also doing his best to not look at him right now.

The bar was pretty cozy, or so Ricky thought. There were tables with chairs and couches to sit on, a small bar and no actual dance floor, despite a disco ball hanging from the ceiling in the center of the bar. Not that Ricky was pretty keen on dancing anyway.

He let his eyes wander around the room once they had settled onto one of the couches, catching sight of not only the people who were talking, laughing and bobbing along to the music, but also something he hadn’t noticed before.

“We’re getting drinks!” Thomas announced as him and Jake were off to the bar, while Ricky bumped his shoulder against EJ’s.

“Is this…a gay bar?” He then muttered, nodding towards the pride flags set up on the walls along with the gold and silver tinsel that seemed to be serving as decoration where it hung from the ceiling.

“Mhm. Yeah.” EJ replied and really, what had Ricky expected? He’d never been to a bar before, and of course the first one would have to be a gay bar, which he was visiting with one of his best friends, who was pretending to be his boyfriend.

_This should count as credits for my final drama grade_. He thought, shaking his head slowly as he watched Thomas and Jake return from the bar, drinks in their hands.

They were bright colored cocktails, which Ricky had never actually heard of before, but he made an attempt to try them anyways, deciding that whatever he was drinking, didn’t actually taste that bad.

He was sure there was vodka in there somewhere, but he could mostly taste something fruity, so he just continued to sip on it while Thomas and Jake talked about college, the shows they were planning on seeing, and of course the shows they were planning on being in. They asked what life at East High was like, and if Ricky knew what he was planning on doing after graduation, but fortunately never asked about EJ and his supposed relationship. They probably knew that it was a sensitive topic, even though they thought it for a different reason entirely.

Ricky was glad about it, because it was hard to concentrate on anything but the way EJ’s knee pressed against his where they sat on the couch, and maybe the second cocktail was making him a little dizzy.

At some point Sarah and Ciara joined them, having previously gotten out of a late-night class they were taking. They kissed both EJ and Ricky on the cheek, before getting their own drinks.

“So, did you guys already plan what to sing tomorrow at karaoke? Or are you the deciding it on the spot? EJ likes to usually plan things out,” Sarah chuckled as she leaned back on the couch.

Honestly, Ricky hadn’t even thought about that. Right now, he was still trying to sort out his thoughts and keep them in order, but EJ was still distracting. At this point they were leaning back against the cushions, and now it wasn’t just their knees touching, but also their shoulders and arms.

“I’ve already picked a song, but we haven’t decided on a duet yet.” EJ spoke, his smile bright, and Ricky wondered if he was feeling a little dizzy, too. The good kind of dizzy, of course. The one where his stomach swooped, and he couldn’t help the way his own lips curved into a smile.

“Oh, you have to do something cute,” Ciara added to the conversation with a nod. “Let’s see,” She began to think, Ricky could practically see the wheels turning in her head, while the others chimed into the conversation. He had become way more versed in musical theatre, but there were definitely songs in the mix that he had never heard of.

He was trying to find out where exactly _First Impressions_ was from, when he suddenly felt an arm wrap around his shoulders. Going stiff for a short moment, Ricky had to remind himself to breathe, and it wasn’t helping that EJ was glancing over at him with a somewhat loopy grin on his face.

“What do **_YOU_** want to sing tomorrow?” he asked, and Ricky could feel the other man’s warmth radiating from his body. It relaxed him, and he practically melted against EJ, who didn’t seem to mind at all. They were both on their third drink of the night, and Ricky was beginning to think there might have been more alcohol in this than he had initially thought. At the same time, he couldn’t really bring himself to care.

“Mhm…I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out where _First Impressions_ is from.”

_“First Date_.”

“What?” Ricky frowned slightly, and EJ laughed.

“It’s from a show called _First Date._ It’s pretty funny, actually.”

“You’re pretty funny,” Ricky returned, and it made EJ laugh. His head was spinning just a little, and he really wanted to say something else to make the other man laugh again.

-

Ricky wasn’t really sure how long they had stayed, but he was about four cocktails in when they eventually staggered out onto the street. Thomas and Jake were staying a little longer, and they had lost Ciara and Sarah about an hour ago, maybe two? And Ricky was a little worried EJ and him wouldn’t find the way home if they stayed any longer.

His head was buzzing pleasantly as they walked, EJ having pulled him along and not having let go of his hand yet.

“I’m hungry.” Ricky eventually announced, and EJ was fumbling for his phone with his free hand.

“We can order something.”

“It’s like…1 in the morning.” Ricky giggled, which only caused EJ to shrug his shoulders.

“Who cares? This is New York, they deliver whenever you want. I’m ordering pizza and we’ll be home before it gets there…”

They went along then, and Ricky had almost forgotten about the pizza when they got back to the apartment. EJ still hadn’t let go of his hand, and he could feel a warmth spreading through his entire body. Part of him didn’t want to let go, because EJ made him feel good. He made him laugh, and holding his hand felt like that was what they were supposed to do. He might not have known a lot through the dizziness of his mind, but that he was somehow sure about.

So when EJ stepped into the apartment, Ricky didn’t let go. Instead he pulled on the other’s hand, and suddenly EJ was close. Closer than Ricky had anticipated. His own back hit the door, and there was a voice in the back of his head telling him that this wasn’t a good idea. That they were just imagining things, because they were playing pretend. But then there was EJ’s body pressed against his, their noses brushing against each other, and Ricky’s heart beating right out of his chest.

EJ was mumbling something, but Ricky couldn’t quite understand what it was, so instead of replying he pulled him even closer by that damn shirt of his, that made him look even better than he already did.

And then there were lips on his, almost shy at first, but bolder when EJ noticed that Ricky wasn’t protesting. His head might have been dizzy, but God he wanted _more_. More lips on his that sent a shiver down his spine, more hands slipping under his shirt and dragging across skin.

Everything was hot and it was suddenly hard to breathe, but in the best way. Ricky couldn’t remember ever feeling this way, but then he didn’t remember anything other than what EJ tasted like and…

The sound of the doorbell broke the spell and…“Shit. The pizza.” EJ muttered as he pulled back, and Ricky could feel his stomach drop.

“I uh…yeah.” He stuttered, slipping out between EJ’s arms, and despite the alcohol in his system he suddenly felt extremely sober. “I’m gonna…” he then added, stumbling towards the couch while EJ buzzed the delivery guy into the building.

_Shit._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And really, okay was about the last word Ricky would have used to describe how he was feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally managed to write this down! Hope you guys enjoy! :) x

When Ricky woke up the next day, his mouth was dry, and his head was hurting. He usually didn’t drink, at least not more than a beer here and there, so this hangover felt about twice as bad.

He wasn’t on the couch anymore though. Instead he had somehow made it back to the guest room last night. EJ had eventually come back with the pizza, he remembered that much, but he also knew they hadn’t actually eaten any of it.

_EJ._

Thinking about EJ alone made his stomach twist, and Ricky attempted to roll onto his back, taking a deep breath. He had really fucked this up, hadn’t he? In his own defense he had to bring up the fact that he had thought this to be a pretty stupid idea from the beginning.

Somehow, he had known that they’d mess this up, he just hadn’t been sure in what way. This, however? It was worse than what Ricky had anticipated. They were supposed to be friends, maybe even best friends, and best friends didn’t kiss. Best friends didn’t push each other against doors, and best friends certainly didn’t feel their stomachs swoop at the simple thought of that action.

This whole fake boyfriend thing had messed with his head, and he had no idea how to get things back to normal.

It took him another fifteen minutes to actually get out of bed. It was way past 11am, he noticed, and EJ was nowhere in sight. The whole apartment was quiet, so he had either gone out or was still sleeping.

Ricky wasn’t sure which of the two he would prefer.

After a shower, which lasted about half an hour, he felt a little more human than before. Just looking at the pizza boxes on the living room table made his stomach turn again though, and he opted against breakfast, downing a glass of water instead.

“You’re up.” EJ’s voice startled him, and Ricky almost dropped the glass, feeling his heart beating hard against his ribcage all of a sudden.

“Uh…yeah.” He then managed, resisting the urge to run a hand through his still damp hair.

“I’ve got some aspirin. They help with the hangover. Or the headache, at least.” EJ replied, moving towards one of the drawers to pull out some of the pills. Ricky’s headache had definitely gotten better with the shower, but he wasn’t taking his chances.

“So…I can cancel karaoke tonight, if you want.”

Ricky glanced up at the other for a moment, biting down on his bottom lip. EJ was acknowledging something had happened between them last night, but he wasn’t actually talking about it, and Ricky had no idea what to say to that. Were they going to talk about it? Did he even want to talk about it? Or would they blame it on the alcohol and just move on?

“No.” Ricky found himself responding, to his own surprise really. “I mean…it’s just going to make them asks questions.” Questions he absolutely wasn’t ready to answer.

Despite faking this whole relationship, Ricky’s actually had a good time with EJ’s friends, and he didn’t want to disappoint them by revealing the truth. He wasn’t going to stop being EJ’s friend, and hopefully EJ wouldn’t just stop being friends with him either, so there was a chance that he’d see all of the others again.

 _And then what? You’re just going to ignore the fact that you’re supposed to be dating EJ when you really aren’t?_ A voice in the back of his head asked, and Ricky tried his best to shake it off as he swallowed the aspirin with another glass of water.

“We can just…do this. Right? I mean we can sing and then I’m going home on Monday and things will be fine.” It sounded wrong, even in his head, but Ricky knew it was the right thing to do, and EJ could only nod.

-

They spent most of the day avoiding each other. EJ took a long shower, while Ricky cleared out the pizza boxes and then proceeded to hide in his room. He was tempted to call Nini, but he really wasn’t sure what he was supposed to tell her. He’d have to be honest with her, because she had always been able to tell when he was lying, and he really had no idea how to explain all of this.

So he didn’t. Instead he tried to ignore the way his stomach kept twisting whenever he thought about karaoke night, and attempted to learn the words to the song EJ and him were supposed to sing together later.

It wasn’t exactly easy to focus on the lyrics without getting distracted by the fact that he would have to actually sing with EJ, but it wouldn’t be the first time Ricky had managed to improvise and gotten away with it.

EJ didn’t show his face again until it was actually time to go. He had opted for a dark blue dress shirt again, and Ricky was trying his best to ignore just how well it fit him. Of course, EJ would only own clothes that brought out his best features.

Ricky tried to ignore the way his stomach fluttered ever so slightly at the sight, and instead went over his lines again while they took a cab to the venue. Thomas and Jake were already waiting outside for them, while Ciara had already gone in. Sarah would be joining them a little later, and Ricky attempted his best smile as they all said hi and eventually walked inside.

The place was cute, looked more like a regular bar than anything, with tables for up to six people all across the room, a bar to the left and a stage up front, where he assumed people would perform.

“I already signed us up for a few songs. You have to be quick here or you get the worst spots.” Jake explained as they made their way to their reserved table. Everyone ordered drinks then, though EJ and Ricky both stuck to Pepsi for now, the thought of tasting any more alcohol in the near future made their heads hurt.

Ciara was the only one who had ordered a beer, but even she seemed to be staying away from the hard stuff tonight.

“I think Ricky should go first.” Thomas grinned as he took a sip of his drink, “I have yet to actually hear him sing and with everything’s EJ been telling us we have a real talent on our hands. Even though our boy is probably biased,”

Everyone laughed, and Ricky could feel himself blushing. So EJ had talked about him before. Probably not in the context of a boyfriend, but still. He had told them Ricky had talent, and that alone made his stomach flutter again.

Ignoring the feeling he moved towards the stage, quickly signing off his name so his song could be looked up and played, and honestly? He did pretty well. Especially since this was his first time actually performing in front of an audience that wasn’t a bunch of parents cheering for their kids.

His rendition of _Dead Mom_ from Beetlejuice got him quite a few cheers, and Jake patted him on the back once he returned to the table.

“Alright, I’m taking it back. EJ’s not biased,” He chuckled. “You really are that good.”

Ciara was up next, and by the time she was done Sarah had joined them at their table. After another round of drinks, it was EJ’s turn, and there was just something about him as he walked up to the stage, that made Ricky stop in his tracks. There was no trademark smile, no natural confidence, but the way EJ picked up the microphone and looked at him had Ricky’s chest tightening ever so slightly.

It took him a moment to recognize the song, but when he did, he could feel his stomach drop. Nini had made him listen to that soundtrack, too.

He was so focused on trying to remember how to breathe though, that he missed the first few lines, eventually forcing himself to look at EJ again.

_Take this sinking boat and point it home_

_We've still got time_

_Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice_

_You'll make it now_

Their eyes met, and for a moment Ricky was sure that he couldn’t do this. Maybe he was overreacting? But then there was the way his stomach began to twist at just how open and vulnerable EJ seemed to be. Ricky knew that look, it was the real EJ, the one that barely anyone ever got to see. The one that was insecure about his looks, that hated the fact that his parents were never really home, the guy who sang along loudly to the Eliza parts of the Hamilton soundtrack, the EJ that remembered how Ricky liked his coffee, and the guy who ordered pizza in the middle of the night, just because his best friend told him that he was hungry.

_Falling slowly, eyes that know me_

_And I can't go back_

_Moods that take me and erase me_

_And I'm painted black_

And Ricky should have stayed to figure this all out. Or maybe pretend that this song wasn’t directed at him. But he was sure that he couldn’t take it. His heart was beating out of his chest and his feet seemed to move on their own accord, taking him through a door that seemed to lead into some sort of back alley.

He leaned against the wall, trying to breathe, but his chest felt incredibly tight, like it didn’t want him to breathe, and for a moment Ricky considered just passing out. It was definitely better than dealing with any of this.

It wasn’t until the door opened again, and he was faced with EJ, that Ricky came back to himself. He was still trying to fight the tightness in his chest, and this wasn’t helping.

“Why did you leave?” EJ asked, the question honest, and maybe a little confused.

“Because…” Ricky began, but then drifted off. How was he supposed to explain how he felt? It would mean talking about the kiss, even if it had happened in a drunken state, and he absolutely wasn’t ready for that.

“Why did you sing that song?” He then asked instead, really hoping that he might have misinterpreted the whole thing, because this couldn’t be, right?

“Because…I thought we…” EJ seemed to be stumbling over his own words now, and that was a rare occurrence. “I mean…come on. We kissed.”

Ricky felt his heart miss a beat, but chose to ignore it, because this wasn’t right. It couldn’t be. They were friends.

“But it’s not real.” He then found himself saying, the words sounding wrong as they rolled off his tongue, but he couldn’t bring himself to give into what he’d been feeling.

“What?”

“It’s not…it’s not real, EJ. We’ve spent the last few days pretending to be each other’s boyfriends, and it’s somehow gotten to our heads.”

EJ frowned, and Ricky could see the hurt in his eyes clearly, it made his own stomach twist to the point that he felt like throwing up again. “Not real?” He then asked, pulling out his phone and holding it up for Ricky to see. “Does this look fake to you?” It showed a picture of the two of them, one they had taken during their visit to Beetlejuice. Then another one at Times Square, with EJ smiling into the camera and Ricky leaning into him, lips pressed against his cheek.

“It’s not…we…” he muttered, but before he could finish, or even really start, the door opened again, and Ciara poked her head out.

“Are you guys okay?”

And really, okay was about the last word Ricky would have used to describe how he was feeling.

“Yeah.” EJ eventually spoke. “Ricky was just…still a bit hungover from last night. Thought he might throw up. But…he made it clear he won’t.” He then added, looking at Ricky for a moment, and something in his eyes had changed. All the vulnerability had vanished, leaving a coldness that made Ricky shiver.

“Well…Thomas is up next and he wants to sing _Helpless._ I don’t think you guys will want to miss that.” She grinned, before disappearing back inside, followed by EJ.

That left only Ricky standing in the darkened alley, his stomach twisting to the point that he thought he might actually throw up this time.

-

What Ricky assumed was miles away, in her bedroom while she was working on a new song, Nini got a phone call and almost considered not picking up, but then she did. Call it female intuition, really.

“Ricky? What’s…” Pausing, she frowned slightly. “Ricky? Are you…crying?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surely, they didn’t have the history Nini and him had, but they had their own kind of history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally managed to get the new chapter done! I hope you guys enjoy x

“Ricky. You need to breathe.”

It took him a good minute to calm down, though Nini’s voice definitely helped. She probably had no idea what was actually going on, but being his best friend for years, she could obviously tell that something was going on, something that couldn’t just be brushed over.

It took him another ten minutes to actually tell the whole story, though he was sure his words were all over the place.

How was he supposed to explain what was going on if he didn’t really know it himself?

“You need a break,” Nini eventually spoke into the phone, and Ricky could somehow still tell just how worried she seemed about him by the tone in her voice.

“But…I can’t…” He began, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at his eyes. Damn, if anyone came out here now, they’d probably think he was crazy. Or well, this was New York, maybe people crying alone in alley ways wasn’t really all that special.

“Yes, you can. You’ll text EJ that you need some time. That way he can come up with a story for your friends, so he won’t embarrass himself or have to explain anything, and then I’m sending you a location and you’ll go there.”

“What?”

“It’s a small diner. My Mom’s used to take me there when we went to New York to see a show. It’s off the main avenues and really tiny, so there won’t be many people, that means you can calm down.”

Ricky was torn. Part of him wanted to go back inside, because leaving EJ seemed like a bad idea at this point, but he also wasn’t sure he could face him without making things worse somehow. There were so many things left unsaid, but he clearly couldn’t get them across right, or otherwise he wouldn’t be standing in a dark alley, crying.

“Okay.” He eventually found himself saying, wiping at his eyes again, before disconnecting the call.

**From: Ricky, 8.34pm**

_I’m sorry. I need a moment._

He hoped that EJ would be able to come up with a plausible explanation for him leaving, because while it was unlikely, he’d ever see the others again after tonight, he didn’t want them to think he just up and left for no reason.

Nini had sent him a location on his phone, and even though it was just short of a ten-minute walk from where he was right now, Ricky couldn’t quite remember how he had gotten there. He had pushed through crowds of people on the sidewalks and almost ran a red light twice, before the neon sign that indicated the diner’s location, came into view.

Pushing the door open, Ricky all but stumbled inside. He wasn’t even sure how this was supposed to help him, because his stomach was twisting to a point that eating was definitely out of the question, until he saw her.

Right there, by the counter, stood Nini, her expression soft as she caught sight of him. He could feel the tears coming again, and despite her being so much shorter than him, Nini immediately caught him, arms coming to wrap around him.

“Hey, it’s okay.” She muttered, hands running up and down his back as she just held him for a moment. Part of Ricky was still sure that he was dreaming. That he had somehow slipped on a sidewalk, hit his head really hard, and just fainted. Nini couldn’t really be here, right? But her familiar smell and the way she had her arms wrapped around him were so real that, deep down, Ricky was sure it could only be her, and that he wasn’t dreaming.

“What…how…” he muttered, pulling back just a tiny bit so he could see her face, even through his tears.

“Gina and I knew something was up. Call it…intuition.” Nini eventually explained as she pulled him over to one of the booths, sitting down. Somehow Ricky was less surprised then, because Nini knew him better than anyone, and had she been the one he had been texting that day, instead of Gina, she might have found out something was up long before things had escalated.

“And…you came all the way here?” He managed, trying to ignore the guy behind the counter, even though he was clearly minding his own business, and Ricky figured he had probably seen weirder things in his lifetime.

“Yeah well, we knew you guys were going to _fuck things up._ Gina’s words, not mine.” Nini then replied, reaching out to take Ricky’s hand into hers.

He almost had to laugh then, shaking his head. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use that word before.”

“Yeah well, there’s a first time for everything.” Nini chuckled, though her expression softened again quickly. “Now…do you want to tell me the whole story?” She then asked, and Ricky just nodded.

-

In the end he talked for an hour, telling her everything from EJ’s proposal to pretend to be boyfriends, to when Ricky had freaked out over one of his best friend’s singing a love song that was clearly intended for him.

Nini simply listened and, most importantly, she wasn’t judging him. It had clearly been a stupid idea, that much was obvious, but Ricky had known that from the beginning.

“Alright, so you two definitely have to talk this out, but not before you decide what you want,” She eventually nodded, taking a sip of her milkshake. Ricky had only ordered a water, and if Nini hadn’t forced him to drink at least a little, the glass would have still been untouched.

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Ricky wasn’t exactly someone who liked talking about his feelings, because it usually ended up with someone getting hurt, and most of the time it was himself, really.

“Well…that’s just life.” Nini replied softly. “Remember when we broke up? Second time around, I mean.” She then added. “It wasn’t a good day, but it was what was best for us, and it was so much better than the first time, because we actually talked about it. We got to tell each other how we felt,” Ricky thought back to that night in May last year, when both of them had realized that what they were doing wasn’t working. It had hurt, yeah, but Nini was right. They had talked about it, and this time around he might have lost a girlfriend, but not his best friend.

Nini was still here, he could still talk to her, and she had come all the way to New York, because she knew he’d be losing his mind.

“So…you think I should talk to him?” He then managed, causing Nini to nod, her lips curved into a soft smile.

“I think you should try and figure out what you want. I know that, even if you decide that you don’t like EJ that way, you definitely don’t want to lose him as a friend. So yeah, talking to him is definitely what you should do. Come on,” Finishing her milkshake, Nini reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly.

“It’ll be fine, okay?” And even though it didn’t seem like that at all, Ricky somehow knew that Nini was the only person he would believe saying that.

“Thank you.” He managed, squeezing her hand in return.

-

Nini had called him a cab and told the driver where to go, before pressing a kiss to Ricky’s cheek and then pulling away. She had also given him the address of her hotel, just in case he needed a place to crash for the night.

Taking a cab in Manhattan was pretty much the worst thing you could do, but at least the delay in traffic gave Ricky some time to think everything over. Facing EJ was about the last thing he wanted to do right now, but Nini was right, he also didn’t want to lose the other man, in whatever capacity, so he would just have to man up and get this over with.

His head was hurting by the time he reached the apartment complex. He had attempted to replay the last few days over and over in his head, trying to figure out what exactly was going on, and how to fix it, but it only seemed to make his head hurt even more.

The keys EJ had given him weighed heavy in his hand as he stepped into the elevator and went up to the 15th floor. The doorman had greeted him with a nod, the neutral expression on his face not exposing what was probably confusion for Ricky returning so early, and alone.

The door was quickly unlocked, but when Ricky stepped inside, he found the apartment completely silent, with all the lights turned off. His stomach dropped as he closed the door, leaning against it to take a deep breath.

Part of him was glad that EJ wasn’t home, because he still didn’t know what exactly he was supposed to say without ruining their friendship, but he also didn’t like the thought of the other man still being out there. Or maybe he was still with the others? EJ had a tendency to push his feelings away and ignore them. He had never really been too open about them, in fact he hated being vulnerable more than anyone Ricky knew, and now he had gone and made an attempt at sharing his feelings, and what had Ricky done?

“Shit…” slumping against the door for a moment, Ricky took another deep breath so he wouldn’t just pass out. He could have definitely handled this better, but then again, he wasn’t really the type of guy to talk about his feelings either. Surely, things had gotten a little better over the years, but he was still a little terrified of opening up to someone and then having his feelings hurt yet again.

Ricky had gone on dates ever since him and Nini had broken up last year, but it had always been just that. One date. Not because he wanted Nini back, they had tried that whole relationship thing twice, and had decided they were really better off as friends, but because there was no one he could be as open about things with as he could be with Nini. Aside from EJ, maybe. Surely, they didn’t have the history Nini and him had, but they had their own kind of history. From EJ sending him silly memes to cheer him up after their show had ended, over him taking the other out for milkshakes, with hours spent sitting in Ricky’s old car, laughing about things he could barely remember now, to EJ standing in front of his door in the middle of the night, eyes bright and lips curved into a smile, telling him he had gotten into NYU.

Sighing, Ricky pushed himself away from the door and wandered over to the couch. Could you miss someone you had seen less than two hours ago?

He suddenly felt incredibly tired, his muscles aching and his head pounding still. He had half a mind to text EJ, but after what he had sent him earlier, he’d understand if Ricky was the last person he wanted to talk to. After all he had told the other man that he needed some time.

Slumped into the cushions, Ricky could feel his eyes falling shut ever so slowly, and his attempt at fighting the tiredness seemed to be in vain, because when he opened them again, it was pitch black in the apartment still, but there was movement next to him.

His body registered the possible threat, heart suddenly beating fast in his chest, until he realized just where exactly he was.

“That really was the worst idea we ever had, hm?” EJ’s voice was quiet, and Ricky watched where the other boy sat on the floor, back against the couch.

“Probably,” Ricky eventually whispered as he sat up, trying to fully blink himself awake. “I mean…that time I let you use my skateboard and you fell flat on your face came pretty close.” He then added, which caused a dry laugh from EJ.

“Yeah…I do stupid things when I’m drunk.” The older man admitted, and Ricky found himself sliding down onto the floor next to him. His entire body hurt from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position, but the way his stomach twisted seemed to be even worse.

“Like…kissing me?” he then asked into the darkness, already dreading the answer.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had kissed him, and now they were here, sitting alongside each other in the dark and probably contemplating all their life’s choices that had landed them in this spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here we go! The last chapter of a story that really is close to my heart! I'm so glad people enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! So THANK YOU for reading and taking the time to comment! <3

There was a pause, in which Ricky held his breath, his head starting to spin from the lack of air in his lungs. It felt like minutes before EJ spoke again, though it could have only been seconds, otherwise Ricky would have long passed out.

“Kissing you was simultaneously the worst and best thing I’ve ever done.” The statement was followed by a sigh, and Ricky could finally breathe again. It wasn’t exactly the answer he had wanted to hear, but then again how was he supposed to know what he _actually_ wanted to hear? But at least EJ had said something.

“I mean…I wanted to, for a while.” He then continued. “But…that was about the worst possible timing, which seems to be a habit of mine.”

Another pause, and Ricky wished that he’d be able to see the other man’s face. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that EJ had been wanting to kiss him for a while. It should have been obvious, because EJ wasn’t the type to just kiss anyone when drunk, if that was the case, he could have made out with anyone in that bar, but he had waited until he was alone with Ricky.

He had kissed him, and now they were here, sitting alongside each other in the dark and probably contemplating all their life’s choices that had landed them in this spot. Part of Ricky figured that EJ should have probably just talked to him instead of singing a love song, but then again that was just how EJ worked. He had written a horrible song for Nini back in the day, when he had been trying to win her back. It had been…a very misguided attempt, but that was just how EJ was. He had sung the song for Ricky one night, when they had stayed up late talking, and Ricky distinctively remembered thinking that he wouldn’t expect anything different from EJ. So why had he freaked out so much?

“I mean…yeah.” He eventually found himself saying. “But…I shouldn’t have just…bolted. Hah.” A small chuckle fell from his lips.

“ _Bolted_ as in…Troy Bolton?” EJ asked, followed by a chuckle of his own.

“Not the worst pun I ever made.” Ricky then pointed out, before they fell silent again for a moment.

Ricky had always been a very impulsive person. That was why he had rushed into auditioning for a musical when he had no experience, or why he had left the house the moment his parents had dropped the word _divorce._ Deep down he had known that things weren’t going to be the same, but when it had really hit him, he hadn’t been able to cope. Maybe the same thing had happened tonight. Maybe he had known that EJ liked him, but the very act of showing it had freaked Ricky out so much that he had bolted for the door. “I’m sensing a pattern here…” He muttered to himself, shaking his head. The thing was though: Every one of those things had worked out just fine for him. Surely, it hadn’t always been easy, but he had played the lead in a musical, things with Nini were okay, and he even had to admit that his Mom’s new boyfriend was really nice. His Dad was dating again, and things had just…turned out fine.

“I should have just…talked to you, but I didn’t know how.” EJ then continued with another sigh, and Ricky felt how he moved, presumably running a hand through his hair. “I couldn’t really talk about it with Nini, that would have just been weird, and Gina is like my little sister, so not someone you talk about that kinda stuff either. So, I just ended up talking about you to Thomas and the guys, and at some point, they just…assumed you were my boyfriend,” He added. “And…I didn’t correct them. I mean…there were girls in my classes who flirted with me a lot so telling them I had a boyfriend helped, but it just…got out of hand a little.”

Ricky found himself nodding, EJ was right. Things had absolutely gotten out of hand, but he wasn’t exactly innocent in the whole matter either. He could have just said no, but he didn’t, because deep down he had liked the thought of being EJ’s boyfriend.

Funny enough that took his breath away again for a moment, even though Ricky was pretty sure he had known it all along.

“So…” EJ began again, and Ricky could feel their knees touching in the dark where they sat. “I’m sorry I freaked you out, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship? Like…I never had a guy I got along with so well. Everyone always just…wanted to be my friend because I was cool. No guy ever really called me out on my bullshit, until I met you.”

Ricky couldn’t help the small chuckle that fell from his lips at the other man’s words. “You didn’t…I mean. I freaked myself out. Like, I did when I told you to go on as Troy, and you did the right thing then, and Nini solved everything by keeping me from overthinking. Like she did tonight, really.” He could feel EJ moving again in the dark, and suddenly Ricky felt a pair of eyes watching him. “She showed up, like she always does. Told me…that I should go and talk to you.”

“That makes sense.” EJ agreed, “Gina did the same. Well…technically she told me to get it together, but I think that’s the same,” He chuckled, and Ricky nodded. It only made sense that Gina was here, too. His texts to her had probably been the reason why their friends had come to New York in the first place.

“So, have you?” Ricky then asked, “Got it together, I mean?” The question hung in the air for a moment, and then Ricky could feel EJ’s hand brushing against his own. His heart almost leaped out of his chest at the touch, and he found himself biting his lip as he slowly intertwined their fingers.

“My life? Absolutely not.” EJ replied, his voice almost breaking, and Ricky could feel the way his hand was shaking just a little. “But…you make it easier? Like…I really enjoyed these last few days. I liked having someone to share the apartment with. Someone who knows how I drink my coffee, someone who sings along to _Beetlejuice_ in the shower, someone I can just…talk to.”

Ricky could feel EJ squeeze his hand, and he could feel his heart beating faster in his chest. “That’s all things a best friend can do, too.” He pointed out, and EJ couldn’t help but laugh.

“Fine. I really liked watching you come out of the shower in nothing but a towel. I really liked you texting me goodnight, even though you were in the room next door. I loved watching your eyes light up when we went to see the show, and I immediately wanted to take you to see more shows, just so I could see that expression on your face, and…I really loved kissing you.”

The words hung in the air between them for a moment, but not heavy this time. It felt as if Ricky just had to wrap his head around them, even though he had definitely known that EJ loved kissing him.

Ricky had always been rather impulsive, to say the least, so instead of replying he moved, letting go of EJ’s hand to find his lips instead. It was dark, so he nearly missed, knocking his forehead into the other man’s nose.

“Okay, how come we’re clumsier when we’re not drunk?” EJ laughed, his hands finding Ricky’s waist as he pulled him into his lap.

“In my defense: You are the one who decided to broodingly sit in the dark.” Ricky replied with another chuckle, his breath hitching ever so slightly as EJ pulled him in.

“I didn’t want to wake you, because I didn’t know what to say…” He then mumbled, and Ricky felt his stomach drop ever so slightly.

“We’re really idiots, aren’t we?” He muttered, brushing their noses together. It was probably something Gina had called them, and Nini had agreed, even though she would never say it to their faces.

“Yeah…but you’re _my_ idiot. Right?” The question made him sound so vulnerable that it almost hurt. EJ was rarely ever this open with anyone, but Ricky knew the way his voice cracked just a tiny bit, and how the hands resting on his hips were shaking again.

“Yeah.” He breathed, and then his hands buried themselves in EJ’s hair as he brought their lips together in a kiss. It still made his head spin, even without the alcohol. There was a surge of electricity running up and down his spine, which only resulted in Ricky trying to push himself even closer. EJ’s hands were under his shirt, fingers running over naked skin, leaving goosebumps wherever they went.

Ricky was getting a little lightheaded, and when he finally pulled back, he couldn’t hold back a laugh falling from his lips. “So…uh. That was nice?” He managed, and EJ was laughing too, fingers trailing up Ricky’s spine and into the other man’s hair, as Ricky’s head dropped onto EJ’s shoulder.

“Yeah…pretty nice.” He then agreed. “Can we do it again?”

Ricky lifted his head, a faint smile visible in the darkness. “We should probably text Gina and Nini to tell them we’re fine. I mean…they’ve been waiting for hours.” Honestly, Ricky had no idea what time it was, but he assumed a few hours had passed since he had left the diner and ended up here.

“Yes, but hear me out: They’ve waited this long, so they can probably wait another minute.” EJ replied, and Ricky didn’t need to see him to know that he was grinning.

“You’re going to be done kissing me in a minute? That’s very disappointing.” He then replied, his own smile turning into a grin.

“Fine. Point taken.” EJ chuckled as he reached for his phone, which he had left on the couch table. The glowing screen was almost too bright after they had sat in the darkness for so long, so they both needed a moment to adjust to it.

EJ let out a laugh then, and when he turned the screen for Ricky to see, there were a couple of messages from Gina.

**From: Gina, 10.44pm**

_Did you screw it up? Please tell me you didn’t._

**From Gina, 10.51pm**

_If you did, I’m personally coming over there to dangle you from the window of your fancy apartment._

“Good to know she’s on my side.” Ricky grinned, almost doubling over with laughter as EJ attempted to tickle him with his free hand.

“Just tell her we’re fine,” he then found himself laughing. “And ask if they want to meet up for breakfast. That’s the least we can do for them.”

“I’m thinking we might also need huge gift baskets for them,” EJ nodded as he typed away into his phone, before pressing _send_.

The reply came promptly.

**From: Gina, 11.54pm**

_Thank God. We’ll be there tomorrow by 9:30. Have fun! ;)_

EJ was grinning, and Ricky could feel his own phone buzzing in his pocket. Pulling it out, he found a message from Nini flashing up on the screen.

**From: Nini, 11.55pm**

_I told you it would be fine. <3 See you tomorrow._

Smiling, he sent back a _thumb’s up emoji_ before putting his phone away.

“Now, where were we?” EJ asked, his own phone abandoned on the floor as his hands came back to slip under Ricky’s shirt. “I think I was going to show you just how great kissing me can be,”

“Oh awesome, getting cocky already.” Ricky replied with a laugh, and really, he was going to add to that, but he couldn’t, because EJ was cutting him off by kissing him again and really, he couldn’t complain about that, could he?

_“Take this sinking boat and point it home_

_We've still got time_

_Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice_

_You've made it now,”_


End file.
